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Checking in with your parts

A few minutes with a part you are getting to know: see how it is doing, keep any promise you made it, and come back to the room.

9 steps, drawn from 11 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. A short check-in. This is a short check-in with a part you are getting to know. Take a second to get comfortable. If a few deep breaths help you settle, take them.
  2. Find it again. Bring to mind one of the parts you are getting to know. See where you find it today: in your body, or around it. It might come as a feeling, words or an image.
  3. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part feels. How you feel toward the part. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
  4. Ask how it is doing. Ask it how it is doing now. Ask if there is anything it needs, or more it wants you to know. Then wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
  5. Remind it you are here. Remind it that you are here and that you care about it. You might tell it who you are now: not a young child anymore. Let it know it is not alone.
  6. Anything you said you would do? Did you tell this part last time that you would come back, or do something for it? If you did, this is the time to follow through.
  7. Appreciation, if it is there. If you feel some appreciation for this part, you might let it know. You could say, "Thank you for the ways you have..." If the feeling is not there right now, that is okay. You can try another time.
  8. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing, and no change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  9. Before you go. When the time feels right, thank it for whatever it let you know. Say you will come back only if you mean it. Then shift your focus back to the room, with a deep breath if that helps.
  10. Stopping here is allowed. That is all right. It may just need more attention before it can relax. Let it know you get it, and that there is no pressure. You can come back when your parts feel ready.
  11. Check in with this one instead. That is all right. The part that keeps reacting can be today's check-in. Ask it what it is worried about, and what it wants you to know. Then wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
  12. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward the part that has strong feelings about this one. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes. It can stay nearby.