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Explore a sample system

The table

Around one issue, the protectors involved each take a seat at a table and are heard in turn while the others wait. Nothing is decided at the table, and a younger, hurt part that turns up is put somewhere safe rather than given a seat.

14 steps, drawn from 14 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. A table for one issue. This is a meeting inside you, around one issue. The parts that have concerns about it each take a seat at a table, and each in turn is heard while the others wait. You listen, and any decision stays with you, for later. This walk works with the parts that protect you. If a younger part shows up, you can put it somewhere safe and come back to it another time, once its protectors are willing.
  2. Get comfortable. Take a second to get comfortable where you are. Keep your eyes open, or let your gaze go soft and rest somewhere. If a few slow breaths help you settle, take them. If not, look around the room you are in for a moment instead.
  3. One issue. Bring to mind a particular issue in your life that a number of your parts have concerns about, or are polarized around. It might be a pressing one.
  4. Who comes to the table. Invite the parts that have concerns about this issue to join you at a big conference table, and see who shows up. It is okay if one does not want to come, and a part can stand rather than sit. You might see them, hear them, or only notice them in your body. If a younger, hurting part comes too, you can put it somewhere safe for now.
  5. Where you are. Now notice where you are. Make sure you are there with them, rather than seeing yourself at the table. If you see yourself at the table as the one in charge, that may be a helper part: a part with an agenda to improve you in some way. Ask it to move to the side, so that you can simply be present.
  6. Who speaks first. Ask which part would like to talk with you first, or notice which one seems to need your attention right away. Ask the others to listen and not interrupt as they wait for their turn. Let them know each will have a time with you too.
  7. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part feels. How you feel toward the part. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
  8. Its turn. Ask it what it wants you to know about its position on this issue: what it hopes for, and what concerns it. You do not have to agree or disagree. Let it know you respect it and you hear it, and see how it reacts.
  9. What is it afraid of? Ask it what it is afraid would happen if another part at this table took over and won. Wait for its answer rather than guessing it.
  10. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: the argument, the deadline, being let down again. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  11. Each in turn. Thank this one for coming forward, and ask it to listen while the others have their turn. Then go round the table the same way, one part at a time, until they have all been heard. Notice whether the others are able to take in what each one says.
  12. Decisions stay with you. Let the parts at the table know that you will take everything they shared into account as you go on with this issue. Remind them that you will be the one to make whatever decisions are needed, and how much you value their input. If they could not agree, you can set up a time to meet again when you are ready.
  13. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing, and no change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  14. Before you go. Thank every part that came to the table, the ones who spoke and the ones who waited. Let them know this was not their last chance: you plan to come back, so only say that if you mean it. Then bring your attention back out. Feel your feet, look around the room you are in, and take a breath or two if that helps.
  15. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the first one. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
  16. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note to come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  17. Stopping here is allowed. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  18. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward the part that has strong feelings about this one. Ask if it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes. It can stay nearby. If it worries the first part will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.