parts cowork home
SettingsDevices and sharingYour data: copy, restore, forget
About parts cowork
Help

In danger, or thinking about harming yourself? Stop here and talk to a person.

Call or text 988 (US)findahelpline.com, any country
Feeling far away? Back to the roomA quick look aroundReview the walksFor therapistsWhat this is, and is notPrivacy

Explore a sample system

The part that reaches for a way out

Meet the part that reaches for the scroll, the snack or the drink as a protector trying to rescue you: find it, listen to what it is trying to do for you, and hear what it is afraid of.

13 steps, drawn from 15 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. This is for the part that reaches. This is for the protector that reaches for the scroll, the snack, the drink. It is trying to rescue you. This does not try to stop it, only to get to know it. If it reaches for self-harm, or for drink or drugs that put you in danger, stop here and reach a friend, or use the crisis lines in the Help menu. Heavy drinking or drug use may need medical help before work like this.
  2. Land first. A few slow breaths, only to arrive in the room you are in. This is not for pushing anything away. Whatever is loud can stay loud. Skip it if it does not help.
  3. Find the pull. Bring to mind the pull to reach for it, now or the last time it took over. See if you can notice where it shows up in your body. It might come as a craving or an impulse. If the pull gets too strong at any point, you can stop or skip ahead.
  4. Stay with it. Stay with that place for a few breaths. You are not trying to stop it. See if you can set aside what you already think of it, and notice what it does while you stay.
  5. Get to know its shape. See if there is a word, an image, a sensation or an impulse it wants to show you. There is no right or wrong way to sense it.
  6. How do you feel toward it? Not how the part feels. How you feel toward the part. Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
  7. What is it trying to do for you? Let it know you can see it has been trying to help. Ask it what it is trying to do for you, then wait for its answer. Do not answer for it.
  8. What is it afraid of? Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it did not step in. Wait for its answer rather than guessing it.
  9. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: the argument, the deadline, being let down again. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  10. Thank it, if that is honest. If it feels true, let it know you appreciate its efforts to rescue you, and that it is not alone. If you do not feel that, that is okay. You can try another time. See how it reacts.
  11. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. A drop is worth noticing, and no change is fine too: you know it better than you did.
  12. Give it a name, if one comes. A name can help you notice it sooner next time, before it pulls you all the way in. Any name will do. If none comes, leave it blank.
  13. Before you go. Thank it, and any part that stepped back, for being with you, whether or not it told you anything. Let it know you plan to come back, only if you mean it. When you are ready, return to the room: feel your feet and look around.
  14. Get to know the one that keeps stepping in. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you get closer to the first one. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
  15. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note to come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  16. Stopping here is allowed. When a part will not step back, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing: it may take more time for it to trust you. You can use the time that is left to hear what it is worried about.
  17. Ask the other part for some room. Turn toward the part that does not like the first one. Ask it whether it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can get to know the first part. It does not have to leave. If it worries the first part will take over, let it know you will not let that happen.