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Finding Self

Ask your parts to wait at the start of a path while you walk on alone, treat any thinking or watching that comes along as a part, and notice which qualities of Self are there, even a little. If your parts would rather you stayed, get to know them instead.

9 steps, drawn from 12 books on IFS.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. Making some room. This walk asks your parts to make a little room, so you can notice what is there when they do. Self is not a feeling to reach for or a test to pass. It tends to come forward on its own as parts step back, sometimes only a little. If your parts are not up for it today, that is natural, and getting to know them becomes the walk. If it is hard, that says nothing bad about you: it likely means some strong protectors are looking after you.
  2. Get comfortable. Get comfortable, with your eyes open or closed, whichever suits you. A few deep breaths, if that helps, only to arrive where you are. Skip them if they do not.
  3. At the base of a path. In your mind's eye, put yourself at the base of a path: one you have walked before, or one that is new to you. Meet your parts there. Ask them if they would be willing to wait for you at the base while you walk on by yourself for a little while. Notice how they react.
  4. Head out on the path. Let them know you will be back soon, and head out at whatever pace feels right. Look at what is around you as you go: the ground, the light, whatever is there. See it with your own eyes, the way you would if you were really walking there.
  5. Who came along? As you walk, notice whether you are thinking anything at all, even about whether you are doing this right. Notice too whether you are seeing the path, or watching yourself walk it. You can also scan your body for anything that does not feel quite like you. Any of these is likely a part still with you, and nothing has gone wrong.
  6. What is here? Notice whether any of these are here, even a little: calm, curiosity, clarity, compassion, connectedness, confidence, courage, creativity. Or something else, like space, or being in your body. If one is there, where do you feel it? It may not look the way you expected. If none come today, that is a real answer too.
  7. Rest there. Pause here for a while, with your eyes open or closed. Notice what it is like, and how and where you feel it, if you do. If your attention strays, come back like it is no big deal. Stay as long as you like. Remember what this is like: it is how you can tell, later in your day, how much you are here and how much your parts are running things.
  8. Back to the ones who waited. If you walked on, head back toward the base at whatever pace feels right. When you are with your parts again, notice how they react. Ask what it has been like for them. Thank them for whatever they allowed, if that is true for you, and any that held back for letting you know they were afraid.
  9. Before you go. Ask your parts whether they would be up for letting you try this again some time, and listen to what they say. If you plan to come back, let them know this was not their last chance to be heard, and only say so if you mean it. Then shift your focus back outside. See if you can keep a little of whatever you found as you open your eyes, look around the room, and feel your feet.
  10. Ask it to wait with the others. Turn toward it kindly. Ask if it would be willing to go back to the base and wait with the others, so you can walk on by yourself for a little while. It does not have to. Some parts want to give you a piece of advice before they step back, which is fine.
  11. Where did its answer point? Sometimes a protector's fear is about now: being left alone, losing control, something going wrong. Sometimes it points further back, at a younger part of you that got hurt and still carries it. Both are worth knowing. Only one of them is for today.
  12. Seen, and not today. If a younger part showed itself, let it know you noticed it, and that you will not forget about it. You are not going to it today. If you want, make a note to come back to it. That may be plenty for one sitting.
  13. Get to know the ones who want you to stay. That is all right. Today, the parts that want you to stay are the ones to get to know. Ask the one most against it what it is afraid would happen if it let you walk on alone. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
  14. Get to know the one that stays. That is all right. Today, this is the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if it let you walk on without it. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
  15. Let them hear a little more. See if the ones who are not afraid could comfort the ones who are. Let them all know you will not be gone long, and that you will come back to them. They do not have to let you go if they are not ready. Then ask them again, and notice how they react.