Letting something go

For a younger part you have already listened to: ask its protectors again, check how you feel toward it, and ask whether it still feels heard and how it feels toward you. Then, only if it wants, it can see where you are now or go to a place it chooses, and, if no part objects, let go of whatever is ready today and invite in what it would like. It ends by inviting its protectors to see it, and asking where it would like to be until next time.

19 steps, drawn from 19 books on IFS.

A walk with a younger part. It starts by asking the parts that guard it, so it goes best once you have met one of them in Getting some room.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first

For a part you have already listened to. This walk is for a younger part you have already listened to, one that has shown you something and felt heard. If its protectors agree, and only if it wants to, it can see where you are now and let go of some of what it carries. The letting go here is the lighter, partial version the books give for doing this on your own: only what is ready today, and the rest can stay for another time. Every step asks first, and no is always an answer. You can stop on any step; if it ever becomes too much, look around the room you are in.
Land first. Take a few slow breaths, or a few minutes of whatever usually settles you, only to arrive where you are. Notice what is holding you up, the seat under you and the floor under your feet. Your eyes can stay open, or rest closed if that feels better.
Where is it? Bring to mind the younger part you listened to before. Where do you notice it now: in your body, around it, or as a picture somewhere near? Notice it from where you are, without going any closer yet.
Ask the ones who guard it. Notice any parts standing guard near it: a tightening, a thought that this is a bad idea, a pull to be somewhere else. Turn to them and ask: may I be with the younger part you look after again? You can tell them you will ask it not to overwhelm you, and that you will go no further than they agree to. Then wait for their answer. Stepping aside is not the same as a yes, and neither is "I guess so".
How do you feel toward it? Not how the younger part feels. How do you feel toward it? Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
Just enough. Let it know you are here again, if that is true, and notice how it responds. Before you go closer, ask the younger part not to flood you with its feelings, so that you can stay with it. Let it know you would like to feel just enough to be with it. If it gets to be too much at any point, ask it to turn the volume down a little.
Does it still feel heard? Ask it whether it still feels heard from last time, or whether there is more it wants you to know first. Let it answer.
How does it feel toward you? Ask it how it feels toward you now. Then listen. It may need an apology from you for how things have been; if so, offer it.
Would it like to see where you are now? Ask it whether it would like to turn around and notice you as you are now: your age, your home, the people in your life. If it would rather be somewhere else, it can choose a place of its own instead. Not every part needs this, so let it answer.
Where you are now. Ask it to turn around and notice you. Let it see how old you are, your home now and the people in your life, and, if it is true, that the people who hurt it do not live there. Take your time, and let it sink in. Then ask it how it is, seeing all that, and listen.
Does any part object? The protectors agreed to you being with the younger part, which is not the same as agreeing to it letting go. Ask inside: does any part object to it letting some of this go, or need it to keep it? Wait for their answer.
Is it ready to let some of it go? Ask it whether it is ready to let go of some of what it took on back then: a feeling, a belief, a sensation it has carried. Notice your body as it answers; you might sense a yes, or a not yet. Do not rush it. Trying to let go is not the same as being ready.
Only what is ready today. Let it know it only needs to let go of what is ready today; the rest can stay for another time. Ask it where it carries that, in or on its body, and how it would like to let it go: to the air on the outbreath, to water, fire, earth, or any other way. Breathe with it: on the in-breath feel it, and on the out-breath let go only what is ready. If it gets to be too much, ask it to turn the volume down, or stop here. Let it go on until it feels as complete as it will be today.
How is it now? Ask it to check its body. Has what was ready today gone, or is more ready to go now? Whatever is left it can keep, or set down somewhere with a lid, for another time.
What would it like now? If there is some space now, ask it what qualities it would like to have with it from here on. Do not suggest any; let it find them. Then let it take them in however it likes: with its breath, as light, or any other way. Notice what comes.
The ones who guarded it. Invite the protectors who guarded this part to come and see how it is now, after whatever moved today. Ask them whether they still need to do their jobs; if so, ask why, and if not, what they would rather do. They do not have to decide now, and you do not pick a new job for them. Let them answer.
Where would it like to be? Before you go, ask the younger part where it would like to be until you come back. Let it choose, rather than picking a place for it. Then let it know you will check in with it, if that is true. Say goodbye for now.
How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. Louder, quieter or the same are all fine: letting go can stir things up.
Before you go. Thank the younger part for whatever it let you see, and thank the protectors who made room, or who told you they were not ready. Then bring your attention back out: feel your feet, look around the room you are in, and take a breath or two. If something moved today, relief and grief can both come in the next days, and feeling lighter or sadder are both common. A protector may also push back, louder than usual; that is common too, and a reason to get curious, not a sign that something went wrong. If something moved, a short check-in with this part each day helps it hold: most of the books say three weeks to a month, and one says four to six weeks. Protectors can make you forget these check-ins; if that happens, pick them up again. If what it let go of comes back, that is not a failure but information about something unfinished: reconnect with it, and ask it what brought it back.
The one that stepped in. Turn toward the protector that stepped in. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if the younger one let go of some of this. Then wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
Is it willing now? When it has had its say, ask it whether it is willing to let the younger one go ahead, for today. Then ask the younger one whether it is ready. Either answer is fine.
Back in the room first. Feel your body in the room you are in, the walls around you, and breathe deeply for a couple of minutes. You do not need to go back to the younger one now. When you feel steadier, you can still let it know you saw it.
Get to know the one that is not ready. That is all right. Today this can be the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if you went closer to the younger one. Then wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
Is it willing now? When it has had its say, ask it once more whether you may go closer. Either answer is fine.
Not yet is an answer. Then it is not ready yet, and that is fine: it means there is more connecting to do. If it says it is trying, ask it why, and listen. You might ask what it would need first. Leave the letting go for another day.
Stopping here is allowed. When a part is not ready, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing. It may only mean it needs more time before it trusts you with this. Another time, you can keep building trust with the part that is not ready.
A place of its own. Ask it where it would like to be: with you in the present, or a place of its own choosing, real or imagined. Let it tell you, rather than picking a place for it. If it wants you to visit, it can let you know how to find it there. Notice how it is once it arrives.
The one that is worried. Turn toward the protector that is worried, and get curious about it. It may fear the change will not last, or wonder where that leaves it. Ask it what it is concerned about, and listen until it feels heard. It does not have to change anything today.
Ask for a little room. Turn toward whichever part answered just now. Ask whether it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can be with the younger one. It does not have to leave. If it worries the younger one's feelings will be too much, let it know you can ask it not to overwhelm you.
Ask it why, gently. That is its choice to make. Ask it, gently, what makes it want to stay, or what would need to happen first. Then listen, and leave it there for today. It may have more to show you, or a protector may still be worried.
What else would it like you to know? Ask it: what would you like me to know? Then wait. It may answer in pictures, feelings, sensations or a few words, and you do not need the whole story. Listen without trying to fix or change anything.
Enough for now? Ask it whether it has shown you what it wants to, for now. Leaving and letting go can wait for another day.