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Explore a sample system

Someone younger

For a younger part you have already noticed: ask the parts that guard it for permission, check how you feel toward it, and listen to what it wants you to know, without digging for the story. If it wants, something it needed can happen now. It ends by asking where it would like to wait until next time.

8 steps, drawn from 15 books on IFS.

A walk with a younger part. It starts by asking the parts that guard it, so it goes best once you have met one of them in Getting some room.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first
  1. For someone you have already met. This walk is for a younger part you have already noticed, perhaps one that came up in an earlier walk and was seen and left for another day. If its protectors agree, you will listen to it. You are not here to change it or fix it, and you do not need its story. You can stop on any step, and stopping well is part of this. If it ever becomes too much, look around the room you are in; stopping is always there.
  2. Land first. Take a few slow breaths, or a few minutes of whatever usually settles you, only to arrive where you are. Notice what is holding you up, the seat under you and the floor under your feet. Your eyes can stay open, or rest closed if that feels better.
  3. Where is it? Bring to mind the younger part you noticed before. Where do you notice it: in your body, around it, or as a picture somewhere near? Notice it from where you are, without going any closer yet.
  4. Ask the ones who guard it. Notice any parts standing guard near it: a tightening, a thought that this is a bad idea, a pull to be somewhere else. Turn to them and ask: may I get to know the younger part you look after? You can tell them you will ask it not to overwhelm you, and that you only want to acknowledge it. Then wait for their answer. Stepping aside is not the same as a yes, and neither is "I guess so".
  5. How do you feel toward it? Not how the younger part feels. How do you feel toward it? Answer with what is true rather than what sounds right, because this answer decides what comes next.
  6. Just enough. Let it know you are here, if that is true, and notice how it responds. Before you go closer, ask the younger part not to flood you with its feelings, so that you can stay and listen. Let it know you would like to feel just enough to be with it. If it gets to be too much at any point, ask it to turn the volume down a little.
  7. What would it like you to know? Let the younger part know you would like to know it. Ask it: what would you like me to know? Then wait. It may answer in pictures, feelings, sensations or a few words, and you do not need the whole story. Listen without trying to fix or change anything.
  8. Has it shown you enough, for now? If another part reacted while you listened, ask it to step back for now; if it will not, you can stop and hear its concerns. Ask the younger one whether there is more it wants you to know right now. Let it answer.
  9. How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. Louder, quieter or the same are all fine: meeting a younger part can stir things up.
  10. Before you go. Thank the younger part for whatever it let you know, and thank the protectors who made room, or who told you they were not ready. Then bring your attention back out: feel your feet, look around the room you are in, and take a breath or two if that helps. In the next few days a protector may push back, louder than usual. That is common after this kind of meeting, and a reason to get curious about it, not a sign that something went wrong.
  11. How is it now? Ask it whether that is enough for now. Let it answer.
  12. Back in the room first. Feel your body in the room you are in, the walls around you, and breathe deeply for a couple of minutes. You do not need to go back to the younger one now. When you feel steadier, you can still let it know you saw it.
  13. Get to know the one that is not ready. That is all right. Today this can be the part to get to know. Ask it what it is afraid would happen if you went closer to the younger one. Then wait for its answer rather than thinking one up.
  14. Is it willing now? When it has had its say, ask it once more whether you may go closer. Either answer is fine.
  15. Stopping here is allowed. When a part is not ready, stopping here is fine. It does not mean you are failing. It may only mean it needs more time before it trusts you with this. Another time, you can keep building trust with the part that is not ready.
  16. What needed to happen. Ask it: what needs to happen now that needed to happen then? Let it lead. You go in as you are now, and it takes charge, with you beside it. Keep it kind or protective, and no violent scenes. Then wait, and follow what it asks for.
  17. Something it needed? Ask it whether there is something it needed to happen that did not. Not every part needs this. Let it answer.
  18. Ask for a little room. Turn toward whichever part answered just now. Ask whether it would give you a little room, just for a few minutes, so you can be with the younger one. It does not have to leave. If it worries the younger one's feelings will be too much, let it know you can ask it not to overwhelm you.
  19. Where would it like to wait? Before you go, ask the younger part where it would like to wait until you come back. Let it choose, rather than picking a place for it. Then let it know you will not forget about it, and that you will check in with it, if that is true. Say goodbye for now.