The part that was too much

For a lively part you have already noticed, one that was told it was too loud, too sensitive or too much: ask the part that learned to keep it quiet first, check how you feel toward it, then ask the lively one what it was like and what it would like. You only ask and listen. It ends by asking where it would like to wait until next time.

13 steps, drawn from 15 books on IFS.

A walk with a younger part. It starts by asking the parts that guard it, so it goes best once you have met one of them in Getting some room.

Checked: each step was read against the book passages it rests on, and stays inside them.

Read every step first

For a part that was too much. Not every part that got sent away was hurting. Some were lively, exuberant or quick to speak up, and the family called that showing off or selfish. This walk is for one of those you have already noticed. The part that learned to keep it quiet gets asked first, and if it says no, the walk ends there, kindly. You do not need the story, and you can stop on any step.
Land first. Sit however is comfortable. Notice the seat under you and the floor under your feet. A few slow breaths can help, or skip them and just look around. Your eyes can stay open or rest closed.
Bring it to mind. Bring to mind the lively part you noticed before: perhaps the loud one, the sensitive one, the one told it was too much. Notice where it is, in your body or around it, without going any closer yet.
Ask the one that keeps it quiet. Notice any part near the lively one that tells it to tone it down: perhaps with an old line like "stop being so sensitive". Ask it: may I get to know the one you keep quiet, for a few minutes? Tell it you only want to acknowledge that part, and you will ask it not to overwhelm you. Then wait for a real answer.
How do you feel toward it? Not how the lively one feels: how do you feel toward it? Give the true answer rather than the kind one, because it decides what comes next.
Just enough. Let the lively one know you are here, if that is true, and notice how it takes that. Its feelings may come on strong. Ask it not to flood you with them, so you can stay with it, feeling just enough. If they grow too strong, ask it to turn down the volume a little.
What was it like? Let it know you would like to understand what it was like to be the one that was too much. Ask what it wants you to know. Then wait, without thinking up an answer. It may come as a word, a feeling, an image, or nothing yet, and nothing is fine too.
Let it know you heard. If you took in what it showed you, let it know you get it, and see how it responds. Only listen: you are not trying to fix it or change it.
What would it like? Ask it what it would like to be doing, if it did not have to carry being too much. Then wait. The answer is its own to give: you are not choosing for it.
Watch, if it wants. If it would like to, let it show you, inside, while you sit quietly and watch. If you are glad to see it, it can feel that too. If it would rather only tell you, that is enough.
Where would it like to wait? Ask the lively one where it would like to be until you come back, and let it choose. If it is true, tell it you will check in with it, and promise only what you will do.
How loud is it now? The same scale you used at the start. Louder, quieter or the same are all fine: meeting a part that was kept quiet can stir things up.
Thank them, then come back. Thank the lively one, and the parts that made room or said they were not ready. Then notice your feet on the floor and your back against the seat. Even when the guards seemed to agree, a part may act out afterward; that is not uncommon. If it does, try getting curious about it rather than fighting it.
Back in the room first. Feel the seat under you and the walls of the room around you, and breathe slowly for a minute or two, or look around instead. You do not need to go back to the lively one today.
Get to know the one that said not yet. That is fine. Today this part is the one to get to know. Ask it what it fears would happen if the lively one were heard. Then wait for its answer instead of thinking one up.
Is it willing now? When it has said what it needed to, ask it once more whether you may get to know the lively one. Either answer is fine.
Not today is an answer. When a part is not ready, stopping here is fine, and it does not mean you failed. It may need more time before it trusts you near the lively one. Thank the part that said no, and come back another day.
Ask for a little room. Turn to whichever part answered just now. Ask if it would give you a little room for a few minutes, so you can be with the lively one. If it fears the lively one's feelings will be too much, tell it you can ask them not to overwhelm you.